Ongoing Exploration

I've noticed a increase in my artistic passion lately. These last couple of weeks have taken on a distinct feeling of excitement about my own work. I didn't notice the difference until it happened. I hadn't realized that I wasn't feeling this in the few months prior. I finished a piece I'd started earlier, and began a staggering 10+ new pieces. But, apparently, in retrospect, it wasn't as personally fascinating as it is now. Was my heart not in it before? Was I on auto-pilot?

Every day this week as been filled with energy, and I've awoke with intentions of nothing more or less than making paintings. Other areas in my life, like writing and vlogging, have mysteriously dropped further down my radar of importance. Whereas I normally pile on personal guilt-trips and pressure about all the things I "should" be accomplishing, all at the same time, I felt a strange, serene peace.

I took these inclinations seriously, as the ultimate purpose in my life is to create art, and I've been trying to go where the internal momentum was.

Finally, I wanted to paint. I couldn't do anything else. I barely sat down at my computer after waking up before standing up again to begin work. I wanted to utilize every hour I had, every day that I could. Each moment was important. Each color I mixed felt like a poem, a song, something that lit me on fire and reminded me who I was as a human being.

I wondered, why isn't it always like this?

Do I really have such varied artistic mood swings that I can't focus on all my creative endeavors at once? Do I put too much pressure on myself to accomplish unrealistic goals? Do I spread myself too thin?

I think I learned something. As an artist, I do have a wide variety of creative interests. None of them are more or less important than the rest, because it is the sum of all my work that represents my life. Being an artist isn't about one painting. In the whole of my life, there are different pieces of a larger puzzle that all fit together in ways that I'm constantly learning about.

I heard another artist this week mock those who use the word "exploration" in their artist statements. I don't, but I absolutely disagree with the sentiment. Maybe she isn't exploring anything. Maybe she is content to make stuff without exploring how it relates to the greater purpose in her life. Maybe she has no greater purpose.

I do. And it is an exploration for me. I'm constantly, always, learning as I go and I'm not ashamed to admit that I will contradict myself, change my methods, and define myself in new ways throughout my years depending on how I feel about what I'm doing at any given moment. The whole fucking purpose for me is the exploration itself.

In my opinion, that's what makes it art.