Big News!!

I have a pretty significant announcement:

I am now a contributing writer over at artist Jessica Doyle's wonderful blog Art & Musings.

This has been in the works for a while now, but the timing finally came together and I'm absolutely thrilled to be a part of this.

My weekly column will appear each Wednesday. At the moment, my intention is to write about my journey through the art world as it pertains to emotions and relationships, discussing all of what it means to me --  The good and the bad. (There is much of both.)

Or... who knows? My contributions are open and up to me, though my goal is freely share my internal process with you. It might be raw sometimes. Actually I want it to be. I plan to show you the truth of me, whatever that is, and however it changes each moment. I can't wait to find out what I'm thinking. ;)

This is an exploration of my life, on a more personal side.

I am absolutely thrilled to be doing this.

My first piece was posted today! Please head over to Art & Musings to check it out.

It's called Loneliness - The Burden of Artists. I'd love to hear your thoughts on it, over there of course. ;)

Where Do We Go From Here?

Ever feel unsettled for no particular reason? It's been angsty here of late. There's no reason for it, which makes things even angstier. A twisted loop of nothing.

We're happy with each other, we're happy with the progress we've made in life, we're happy with where we seem to be headed, we're happy about all our plans, we're happy about our place in the world. Our health is the best it's ever been, as are our finances, and our prospects.

We have nothing really to be unhappy about.

I generally blame it on total lack of patience. I want results sooner. Now. I want to achieve everything quickly, and move on to achieving more things. I want it all. I don't want to wait.

Maybe I'm just not enjoying the process. This is all relative, of course, because many who know us would say that we're consistently moving forward, perhaps at lightning speed.

I think that our upbringings, filled with chaos and uncertainty, cause us to fear an otherwise steady path in life. We're not used to things going well. Long term progress is foreign. During a time when our worldviews were being shaped, we were constantly reminded that life is hard, that goals cannot be achieved, that things don't work out. We were taught to fear success, because it was an impossibility.

Fortunately we were too rebellious and stubborn to listen to such nonsense, but I often wonder if the script still plays like annoying background music in the depths of our minds.

Do we create the sense of chaos where there is none? Do we invent enemies out of success so that we have something specific to fight back against?

Bugger that.

For now, everything is going so well. In one sense, we don't want to mess that up. It's taken our entire lives to feel so happy and sure of who we are and what we're doing. In itself, that's something to be proud of, for we have achieved the very things already that we were taught were unlikely.

Yet... we want more. We keep walking forward. Our goals and ideals keep expanding. The path before us continues to grow greater, and longer. We feel as though there's some step before us that will be clear in retrospect but is too vague to act on now. We feel caught in a limbo zone of mystery and actualization.

Where do we go from here?

Ongoing Exploration

I've noticed a increase in my artistic passion lately. These last couple of weeks have taken on a distinct feeling of excitement about my own work. I didn't notice the difference until it happened. I hadn't realized that I wasn't feeling this in the few months prior. I finished a piece I'd started earlier, and began a staggering 10+ new pieces. But, apparently, in retrospect, it wasn't as personally fascinating as it is now. Was my heart not in it before? Was I on auto-pilot?

Every day this week as been filled with energy, and I've awoke with intentions of nothing more or less than making paintings. Other areas in my life, like writing and vlogging, have mysteriously dropped further down my radar of importance. Whereas I normally pile on personal guilt-trips and pressure about all the things I "should" be accomplishing, all at the same time, I felt a strange, serene peace.

I took these inclinations seriously, as the ultimate purpose in my life is to create art, and I've been trying to go where the internal momentum was.

Finally, I wanted to paint. I couldn't do anything else. I barely sat down at my computer after waking up before standing up again to begin work. I wanted to utilize every hour I had, every day that I could. Each moment was important. Each color I mixed felt like a poem, a song, something that lit me on fire and reminded me who I was as a human being.

I wondered, why isn't it always like this?

Do I really have such varied artistic mood swings that I can't focus on all my creative endeavors at once? Do I put too much pressure on myself to accomplish unrealistic goals? Do I spread myself too thin?

I think I learned something. As an artist, I do have a wide variety of creative interests. None of them are more or less important than the rest, because it is the sum of all my work that represents my life. Being an artist isn't about one painting. In the whole of my life, there are different pieces of a larger puzzle that all fit together in ways that I'm constantly learning about.

I heard another artist this week mock those who use the word "exploration" in their artist statements. I don't, but I absolutely disagree with the sentiment. Maybe she isn't exploring anything. Maybe she is content to make stuff without exploring how it relates to the greater purpose in her life. Maybe she has no greater purpose.

I do. And it is an exploration for me. I'm constantly, always, learning as I go and I'm not ashamed to admit that I will contradict myself, change my methods, and define myself in new ways throughout my years depending on how I feel about what I'm doing at any given moment. The whole fucking purpose for me is the exploration itself.

In my opinion, that's what makes it art.

New Prints!

New prints available. :)

Each one is available in sizes 8x10 for $25 and 11x14 for $45 in my Etsy shop.

I'm also finishing up a few new paintings. Soon, very soon!

Lots in the works. Lots going on. Hope the start of your Autumn is going splendidly.