Lights and Art

"Light is more than watts and footcandles; Light is metaphor."

One of my favorite scenes in TV history. 

(For context, this scene took place during the time in Alaska when it's dark 24/7 and the lack of daylight was starting to wear people down.)

Chris-in-the-morning's art projects were always bizarrely inspiring and in retrospect I know that they influenced my own work. In fact, a few of my early installation pieces (back when I did those) were inspired by him.

Northern Exposure was a great show, it's a shame so few people my age watched it. 

This scene never fails to make me happy. :)

Tidings

Good news, I think we're going to live.

Colin is doing much better thanks to antibiotics, and I have finally crested as well, after days of eating raw garlic and doing lavender apple cider vinegar gargles. Yeah, it was awesome.

I get really angry when I'm sick. I feel caged in.

Now that I'm not writhing around uncomfortably in bed, I'm going to focus on some positive thoughts. It was a little scary there for a bit with Colin, and I should be grateful that we're both alive and coming through this, and hey, apparently I never got sick enough to require Western medicine. Nice!

Being sick is not the time to philosophize about life. I realized this yesterday when every outlook I had was bleak and depressing.

I always feel like I'm missing out. There are social engagements either missed or jeopardized, and I'm convinced somehow that we're going to fall so far behind in Krav Maga class that we might as well give up.

It's not the healthiest emotion I could have while trying to recover. I start listing all the things I'm not doing and then I convince myself that I won't catch up, and suddenly all my plans for the next few years become impossible because I was out sick for a week.

But enough of that. We're alive. And getting better.

1. Christmas isn't lost.
2. Our muscles had a week of renewal after three major Krav Maga sessions last week.
3. We have now seen every single episode of Fringe.
4. We got to be sick-buddies!
5. We did a lot in the last year. No wonder we needed more rest.

I'm actually really looking forward to 2012. Wow, it's almost 2012. Snap.

Blocked

Colin has had a fever for two days and I've had writer's block.

I'm envious of bloggers who can just write out their lives freely, daily, and it doesn't seem to give them hiccups to talk about anything and everything from their emotional issues to breakfast recipes. I open a page and stare blankly at nothingness and panic myself further into total block. Common, I know.

And hey, I write more than most.

But I still long to be one of those people that has an ongoing and sincere dialogue about myself with others, with whomever is reading, without fretting endlessly over what I'm saying.

I started writing for Art & Musings, in part because it was (is) a great opportunity, but most importantly I knew that if I had a commitment to someone else, a whole new audience of readers, I would find it easier to rise to the task of regular communication.

Which I have.

And to be honest, it's much easier for me to write a column that isn't for myself. It's definitely something I'm enjoying thoroughly, and causes me to think harder about who I am and what I want to say at all.

Ideally, my own blog would serve as a more casual venue for my ongoing thoughts, as well as my own personal artsy stuff, and a place to show you my new work.

But I just can't seem to get there. Well, past the artsy stuff anyway.

I don't know why I would feel awkward and obsessively anxious to discuss what I eat for breakfast, but I do. Other bloggers don't seem to have this problem, and I both judge them for talking about "boring" topics and feel jealous that they have the confidence to do so.

Because the truth is, I don't find it boring, and I am interested in what they have for breakfast, because we're all people and I'm interested in who other people are, and how their minds operate, and what their daily lives are like. Obviously I'm more interested to read about people's various personal struggles, emotional issues, and life victories, but I eat breakfast too, and I'm interested in all of it.

I have this awkward habit of vacillating between being too blunt and forward with people and then pulling back entirely so that I don't risk anyone knowing too much about anything in my life. The extremes are a sign of discord, and somewhere balanced in the middle would be ideal. I'm pretty sure half the people in the world think I'm confident and together and the other half think I'm crazy.

I'd like to say that I plan on getting better at succeeding at all of this, but I'm not going to. I'm not actually sure that I will finish what I'm writing now, or feel it's worthy of sharing once I'm done. Really, I just opened the page and started blathering.

On the other hand, I guess that was the whole point.

Echo . 20x20 inches . 2011

oh hey! new art!

1. natural light

2. interior light

3. interior light and blacklight combined

4. blacklight only

5. no light (glow in the dark)

This is one of those paintings that glows in a fascinating, bizarre way that I just adore. When you first turn off the lights, it's almost like your eyes have to adjust, and then the glow just gets brighter and brighter and brighter right in front of you. I came downstairs in the dark a few nights ago and it was like a beacon of light, I was impressed myself with how bright it looked. (I generally don't have time to sit in front of my artwork in the dark for hours at a time just staring at it to see what will happen, so I often am surprised with things like this by accident. It's actually awesome that way, and makes me feel like a kid at Christmas!)

It's a wonderful thing to be excited at your own art. :)

This piece is the first in what I'm casually (and affectionately) referring to as my "teal collection" because... well, a lot of it is based around the color Teal. (Or turquoise, or aqua, or however you might refer to the myriad of shades between blue and green.) My favorite color. :)

Echo is $1000, available either in my Etsy shop, or email me if you'd like to purchase it another way. :)

Personal Empowerment (and Kicking Ass)

Now up at Art & Musings! Personal Empowerment (and Kicking Ass)

"It’s a lesson I could do with applying to other aspects of my life. I often shy away from taking action because I don’t feel confident enough to do so. That’s backwards. If I string enough confident actions together in a row, wouldn’t that automatically make me a confident person?"

At Art & Musings: You Can't Handle The Truth

New column is up over at the Art & Musings site! ♥

"But clearly, for awhile now, I’ve been unhappy. I’ve felt unsettled and awkward, almost like I was intentionally avoiding something. And for the first few days in Kauai, I wasn’t settled either. I was thrilled to be there, of course, but I felt a little like I was phoning it in. The truth was, I was starting to panic. What if I didn’t find answers here? WHAT IF THERE WERE NO ANSWERS?! Gack."